A TIGHT ROPE WALK TO RECOVERY
by Joseph B.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I first heard that prayer at Blaisdell Rehab Center. When I finally memorized that little prayer, I felt so proud of myself, because now, I finally had a tool in my tool bag. I no longer had to be around more experienced recovering addicts to recite those words. But what I still needed was to be around recovering addicts for support. They help me understand these words. That opening line: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” is extremely powerful and helpful. I really do love that second line though: “The courage to change the things I can.” I love to be proactive, get my hands on stuff, be involved, etc., and because of this, I tend to skip the true understanding of accepting things that do not go my way or as I see fit. This brings me to the third line of the prayer: “The wisdom to know the difference.” I still struggle with this, and this struggle is the epicenter of wanting to give up, my “danger point,” wanting to turn back on this “Tight-Rope” journey walk to recovery. And it must be a tight journey because it is as tight and as close and as personal as Me, Myself, and I; three personalities trying to work together to be the best person they can be. The wisdom of knowing the difference when to sit back and accept what is, and when to stand up with your best foot forward to make a change, is understanding what it means to have balance.
I have such a passion for construction, building, creating, etc. It’s really time that I start using those tools to build on me, myself, and I. Since I carry many tools with me in my profession, it won’t hurt at all to carry some more in my heart and soul. My pen, paper and tape measure are like acceptance; my calculations whether to take on the job or not, learning the parameters of what already exists in front of me. The courage to change is like the hammer/chisel combo or my wrenches/drill combo, because when those tools come out the bag, work is about to get done, changing the parameters is going to happen. And my level, the tool used to make sure things are as perfectly balanced as possible; the wisdom of knowing when to make a move or not.
With my passion for growth, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, and the help of my peers, loved ones, positive colleagues, my own intelligence to make sense of it, and the fire in my soul to keep burning, I feel that I can win more and more battles of not only addiction, but pain, doubt, loneliness, confusion, etc.
Very well actually, sober is the way to be. I am acceding at my job at a speedy rate, my memory is so, so much sharper, my physical health & working out stats/numbers are at an all-time best, my interactions with people are so positive/productive/beneficial and despite my differences with SCI at my end time there, I have to say all you staff members & Brothers Christopher’s are the ones who helped me get here. I couldn’t be more grateful. SCI’s facility is really a wonderful place overall.
Six months ago, I wouldn’t have thought my life would be where it is now, and more to come as the days continue. Thank you and everyone for everything that you have taught me.