WHO I WAS, WHO I AM, AND WHERE I WANT TO BE

By Sherard J.

A boy lost in the crowd, like a falling leaf swept through the wind. I was someone who wanted to be free but was always denied that invitation. It seemed as if my parents mapped out my entire future but never took the hard steps themselves. Their decisions about my up bringing were always fear – based after listening to the news where I came demanded the headlines. Because of that I was never allowed to play with the neighborhood kids, and I was sheltered at home with schoolwork, chores, and piano lessons as my only companions.

With all the protection my parents gave me from the outside world, it was a shame they could not protect me from themselves. Name calling and beatings were almost a daily ritual in the house, affecting my self-esteem. I almost believed their lies, almost. What made me believe that I was not “stupid” or “retarded” was the praise that I received from my teachers and the grades that I received.

I was happy to get accepted to go to college in warm Virginia. Anything away from cold New York City. I made friends and discovered much about myself. However, because of financial reasons, I could not graduate and was forced to come back home. I got a job in the city, and shortly after I started to frequent nightclubs and bars and started hanging out with the wrong people. My quest for friendship took a wrong turn and I wound up in hospitals and rehabs. In the back of my mind, I knew that I must get back on track, but on my own terms, but where do I start?

After years of false start for a sober life, I now am ready and willing to make a lifestyle change. Renewing my spiritual connection with God. I am currently in a rehabilitation and spiritual haven named St. Christopher’s Inn. I am coming to terms with my addiction with alcohol, understanding that it will destroy me if I continue that dangerous path. I have also discovered that I am not alone in this world, and I must stay connected to win this war.

I look forward to the beautiful things that await me as I travel on the road of recovery. Positive and supportive people wait to greet me when I care to do my local alcoholic anonymous meetings. My gratitude level on the things I possess will be high and my relationship with God will be stronger as well as healthier. Economic security will also be possible affected. I am ready to roll up my sleeves, put on my boots and to travel the road to recovery.