THE TUNNEL

August 16, 2021

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
Where does that light lead to?
Is it a destination to somewhere I’ve been before?
Or does it lead to a place I’ve yet to have seen?
Should I be scared to march closer?
I’ve felt so safe and comfortable here in the dark
Will I be able to survive above ground?
Will the light at the end of this tunnel illuminate all the horrors of my past?
Will it help me to forgive, but remind me to never forget?
What if there is more darkness waiting for me, which I can’t see?
Will the light help guide me to take the right turn, the correct exit?
Or maybe not veer off at all
I’m frightened to keep driving into the unknown
Anxious to know where it will bring me
Will I ever get there?
How long will it take?
Will the sunshine down upon me?
Or will the rain pour and force me back
Back underground, back into the tunnel
Where I will remain alone, isolated from the world outside
Detachment is the poison I could drink to prevent me from moving on
Prevent me from getting out into the world
Prevent me from achieving my goals
I don’t remember it being this difficult to dig my way in
So, why has it been nearly impossible to find my way out?
I’ve been digging for years and years
Deceiving and lying, Searching through darkness
Speaking b___s___ that I convinced myself was true
All while hurting the ones that I love
Do I deserve this?
Am I entitled to be happy and to be loved?
I have distant memories of what that feels like, but the more I think about those feelings, the more uncomfortable I become
I’ve been stuck in this black hole for so long, that even a small glimmer of light gives me hope.
Hope that maybe this chapter is finally over
Hope that this light at the end of the tunnel doesn’t represent an end, but a new
beginning to a better life
I cannot hesitate, I cannot slow down
I must work harder than I ever have before
I can see the light at the end of this tunnel
Please, let this be the time that I get it right…

~ Christopher H.

This writing is selected as an excerpt from the book Effective Use of Creative Writing in the Treatment of Addiction to Chemical Substances, Eric A. Kreuter, Ph.D., editor, a clinician at St. Christopher’s Inn.

It is published by Nova Science Publishers, to learn more click HERE.

The nurses are the best part of my day.

The admission process was as fast and painless as it could be.

The medical staff is excellent, they treated me with love and care.

Overall the program and facility at St. Christopher’s Inn is the best, bar none.

Family program is PERFECT please don’t change a thing.

I took part in the GED program and was quite satisfied. I haven’t taken the test yet, but I have very high hopes of passing.

Gained immense knowledge from lectures and treatment plan.

It is very spiritual and I needed the experience.

The care and concern by my counselor and supporting staff shows the love that I didn’t know existed.

Staff is unbelievable, saved my life.

The goals I have reached and the new ones I’ve developed while being here are something of a life changer for me in my future.

I was pleasantly surprised by the existence of the Coffee House. Music is a central and meditative part of my life. The ability to perform for my new brothers here and the staff was unexpected and made this an incredible journey.

I would have nothing if it wasn’t for SCI.

Great people, caring and responsive.

I would like to tell you how thankful I am to you for having this family program available. I want to say thank you for giving me exactly what I needed.

The experience of being here and becoming a member of the Brothers Christopher fraternity has changed my life. Being in the Friars house was a blessing. Their generosity gave me knowledge I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Thank you for the privilege I was given to stay here in your house. God bless you all. I will always keep a piece of St. Christopher’s Inn in my heart.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the hot meals, warm bed and unconditional love you so easily gave to me. I know if it were not for you, I would truly still be a lost soul.

The road to recovery is called Franciscan Way, and the door to happiness lies within the walls of St. Christopher’s Inn.

I never thought someone could care for a drug addict like me. You have shown me that I am worth something. May God bless you a million times.

Thank you for welcoming me in to your home, and granting me a scholarship for treatment. There’s not enough “thank-yous” I could say, so I’m going to show you by staying clean and living a peaceful sober life.

I want to thank you for everything—from my stay here to working in the Thrift Shop. I am so grateful for St. Christopher’s Inn and every staff member that represents this fantastic organization.

I was amazed by the unbelievable generosity of everyone at our Christmas party. A nice scarf and a collared shirt—I have been through hundreds in my life but I have never cared for any of them as I do for these. Thank you for giving me the best Christmas in many, many years.

I love this place. They have given me a place to sleep, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and a chance at a first-class life. Recovery is here . . . all you have to do is want it!

Today, I am a sober man. I live an honest and simple life. I’m a reliable, employable productive member of society. I have dignity and self-worth and even self-love. All of these things are a direct result of the care and guidance given to me by the Friars and the staff at St. Christopher’s Inn. Some people call it a homeless shelter. I call it home.