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August 16, 2021

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
Where does that light lead to?
Is it a destination to somewhere I’ve been before?
Or does it lead to a place I’ve yet to have seen?
Should I be scared to march closer?
I’ve felt so safe and comfortable here in the dark
Will I be able to survive above ground?
Will the light at the end of this tunnel illuminate all the horrors of my past?
Will it help me to forgive, but remind me to never forget?
What if there is more darkness waiting for me, which I can’t see?
Will the light help guide me to take the right turn, the correct exit?
Or maybe not veer off at all
I’m frightened to keep driving into the unknown
Anxious to know where it will bring me
Will I ever get there?
How long will it take?
Will the sunshine down upon me?
Or will the rain pour and force me back
Back underground, back into the tunnel
Where I will remain alone, isolated from the world outside
Detachment is the poison I could drink to prevent me from moving on
Prevent me from getting out into the world
Prevent me from achieving my goals
I don’t remember it being this difficult to dig my way in
So, why has it been nearly impossible to find my way out?
I’ve been digging for years and years
Deceiving and lying, Searching through darkness
Speaking b___s___ that I convinced myself was true
All while hurting the ones that I love
Do I deserve this?
Am I entitled to be happy and to be loved?
I have distant memories of what that feels like, but the more I think about those feelings, the more uncomfortable I become
I’ve been stuck in this black hole for so long, that even a small glimmer of light gives me hope.
Hope that maybe this chapter is finally over
Hope that this light at the end of the tunnel doesn’t represent an end, but a new
beginning to a better life
I cannot hesitate, I cannot slow down
I must work harder than I ever have before
I can see the light at the end of this tunnel
Please, let this be the time that I get it right…

~ Christopher H.

This writing is selected as an excerpt from the book Effective Use of Creative Writing in the Treatment of Addiction to Chemical Substances, Eric A. Kreuter, Ph.D., editor, a clinician at St. Christopher’s Inn.
It is published by Nova Science Publishers, to learn more click HERE.

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